


conditional alliances and non optional yeets

by am doing a breakthrough science (acceptnosubstitutes)



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Humor, all of thancred's namesdays come at once, potential emet-selch/wol if you squint, prompt: 5.4 wol and lahabrea team up, unironic use of yeet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27654548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acceptnosubstitutes/pseuds/am%20doing%20a%20breakthrough%20science
Summary: In unison, both grimace at the sight of the other."Motherfucking what mate," S'idos barks, alarmed, and draws on his new adversary. "Lahabrea?""Eloquent," says the Ascian.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	conditional alliances and non optional yeets

**Author's Note:**

> First work in _years_ and it ends up being about fucking Lahabrea smh 
> 
> For a prompt at bookclub based on 5.4 patch promo art. Likely he'll just be backstory but, you know, what _if_!
> 
> Don't take this seriously. Really.

S'idos Muth steps out onto the plates of stone Eden makes rise at his presence much like the battle with the twin-headed Leviathan. Wind whipping through his hair, he once more checks his stock of aetheric generated arrows and the security of the bow fitted magnetic harness on his back.

_S'idos? Can you hear me?_

"Coming through loud and clear, Ryne," he says, activating their shared linkpearl, "how's the connection this time?"

_I don't see any issues with your recollection. The signal remains strong._

S'idos smiles wry. "No issues _this_ time, you mean?"

He hears a snort that sounds very much like Gaia, and even Ryne chuckles. All right, even he admits centaur Ramuh was a _little_ weird. 

"I'm going to give the others the go ahead for transport. Start the transfer."

_Here we go again. Be careful out there, all right?_

"Do my best," S'idos says.

Rumbling shakes the platform ere long, but he digs in and takes out his bow. Is about to key into the linkpearl that connects him to his fellow warriors, one eye on the massive shape moving rapidly under cloud cover below his location, when static crackles in his ear.

S'idos winces, cutting the feed at the same time Ryne comes online again.

_There seems to be interference of some kind from an unknown force. I don't understand what Eden is telling me, but be on -_

She cuts off. And rearing over the edge of the platform, a creature an amalgamation of the stuff of nightmares. It has the body of a lion, mainly, whose head snaps and snarls its jaws. Two other heads sprout from its shoulders. One an angry looking ram with wicked, gleaming curved horns and reddened eyes. The other a literal dragon, tossing its head back with a roar, fire releasing into the air.

Large, glossy leather wings that seem too delicate to wing the beast flap furiously to keep the thing aloft. Even as it whips around a two pronged tail - part actual, hissing snake, part raised scorpion barbed stinger. Then the tails separate and twist, writhe and undulate out of view. 

Ah, so. Worse than centaur Ramuh, clearly.

How _dragons_ got through S'idos resolves to ponder later, dodging one of the lion's large paws.

Tries again to call for aid but still, nothing but white noise. This? This might be a problem.

Nothing for the moment but to keep dodging and firing arrows at the beast, hoping to expose a weak point. If it has one. That hide seems oddly like adamantium armor. His arrows impact but the monster swipes on and on without tiring.

The ram's head screeches to life at unpredictable intervals, sending out pulses of energy S'idos is hard pressed to outrun. All the while keeping clear of other snapping jaw or swiping claw.

Out of the corner of his eye, dodging yet another stab from the stinger, S'idos catches something odd. A vortex of darkness forming in the air, lengthening and widening into a portal.

Ascians. At a time like this?! Just how many of them _are_ there?

Suicidal to put his back to that portal, even with no Ascian forthcoming, but as reckless to ignore the literal stream of fire sent roaring in front either. Trapped, S'idos swears, facing the foe he can see head on.

Backflips away from being toasted. Lands to a skidding stop past the portal just as someone does finally step through. Turns his way.

In unison, both grimace at the sight of the other.

"Motherfucking what mate," S'idos barks, alarmed, and draws on his new adversary. " _Lahabrea?_ "

"Eloquent," says the Ascian.

Standing there, in the flesh, black robed and red fanged mask, looking like he shouldn't be writhing six feet under, Lahabrea throws a hand out toward the beast without taking his eyes off S'idos.

At his talon-tipped fingers sprouts a transparent shield of arcane glyphs that glimmer and spiral to life against another wave of dragon fire.

Lahabrea grits his teeth and seems to hunch over slightly behind the shield the longer the dragon head breathes. But S'idos blinks, the stream is gone and the Ascian as proud as ever.

"Look," S'idos says, trying not to betray how quickly his breath is picking up from anxiety, "I really don't understand how you're still. _Alive_. And I get it! You want revenge! But this? Is a _really bad time_ -"

Both their heads snap in the direction of the chimera, which roars as if furious at being ignored. S'idos' attention returns to Lahabrea when the Ascian speaks again.

"That is readily apparent. But I did not come here to challenge you again, Warrior of Light."

"Darkness now," S'idos says, helpfully, "technically."

Whatever response that may have garnered goes lost to time. The chimera decides enough is enough and whips its snake tail toward Lahabrea. 

Blow only clips him by the shoulder, but it's evidently enough to send him stumbling.

S'idos raises an eyebrow. Unusual.

"Enough!"

In the end, S'idos doesn't know exactly what Lahabrea does to the creature. Only sees the Ascian rise a few feet off the ground before blinding light and a crushing force pushes S'idos to the ground.

Inhuman cries mix with Lahabrea's voice. Whatever language he's speaking comes across foreign to S'idos' ears but even his limited understanding of magic can tell there's power behind each syllable.

Power at a price, apparently.

Blinking away spots of color, S'idos sits up to find his bow out of reach. No sign of the creature. And Lahabrea, bent at the waist, panting.

 _Most_ unusual.

The Ascian comes up with force, breath drawing in frustrated growl. All but stalks his way over toward his erstwhile nemesis.

S'idos blinks up at him some more.

"Why are you walking," he asks, "and not teleporting? Like you always do?"

Perhaps for the best Lahabrea wears a mask. So S'idos can't see him roll his eyes into the back of his head at the mere stupidity of his inquiries.

"I will have you aware," he says, ignoring the remarks, "had I other avenues of aid available, we would yet be at odds."

He offers the Warrior of Light, Darkness, or whatever, a gloved hand.

S'idos stares at him for some time before he (gingerly) accepts the offer and Lahabrea helps him to his feet.

Stranger things, and all that.

Still retrieves his bow before contemplating what in the world Lahabrea wants if not to fight.

_S'idos!_

Both young women this time, though Gaia coughs a second later, muttering, and lets Ryne carry the conversation.

_Are you all right?! Who is that down there with you?_

"I'm…"

S'idos circles Lahabrea, who allows it, though both clearly tense.

"I'm alive," he says finally, "don't worry about my. Companion. Both of you, stay where you are no matter what happens."

Gaia groans. _Not this again. Just because_ he's _not here, you're going to -_

S'idos cuts the conversation short, well aware of Lahabrea's short patience.

"So? Talk."

Lahabrea crosses his arms. But begrudgingly, does divulge his purpose.

"Zenos yae Galvus," he says, smirk twisting his mouth at S'idos' sour expression. "You have met?"

Met? S'idos rolls his eyes, finally snapping his bow back into its magnetic sheath.

"You could say that. Met. Fought. Killed. Hear he's still kicking somehow, the bastard."

"I do not disapprove the sentiment. It may interest you a former colleague of my own order lies in league with the abomination."

Right, right. The one Gaius kept trying to kill. How many masks had the legatus collected from Fandaniel? Likely legion and hilarious all the same.

"They seek only chaos for chaos sake. A threat to us both."

Hmm. How to put this delicately?

"You know I killed Elidibus right? And. Hades?"

"Yes," Lahabrea snaps, "I need not reminded."

S'idos raises his hands in a placating gesture.

"Easy. Just checking. Look, you're not exactly the Ascian I was hoping would greet me from the afterlife."

He waves off the Ascian's frown, then snaps his fingers in a move so seemingly familiar that frown curls back into a sneer.

"How obvious," he mutters, "yet I did not see. Azem. You are one of his fragments. Once more, Emet-Selch's weakness betrayed him in the end."

S'idos' smile is brittle, razor edged. Ice cold.

"I wouldn't call it weakness."

Frosty silence passes between the two. Surprisingly, however, Lahabrea gives first.

"This gets us nowhere. If allowed to run rampant, the abomination and Fandaniel will destroy what yet remains of everything. Every _one_. I -"

Here he pauses, sighs. Trails off.

Despite his better judgement, S'idos can actually sympathize. Oh, he figures his definition of "people" and Lahabrea's would not match up but there is something under the other man's words. Something to his tone.

He sounds exhausted, honestly. The way he handled himself against the chimera - the shield, however he smote the beast - clearly not at full power.

Yet still chose, bereft of allies and bearing such vulnerability in front of an enemy, to appear here.

He _sounds_ exhausted, but he _speaks_ impassioned when it comes to salvation.

Like Elidibus.

"Do you remember," S'idos says, all of a sudden, "when we first met?"

_S'idos?_

Lahabrea doesn't respond at first, and S'idos waves him off when he opens his mouth to do so anyway.

Anxiety builds again.

"Before that. Way, way back. I. Had a dream on the carriage ride to Gridania. You were there."

Anxiety spiking now, pulse jumping in his throat and S'idos swallows with a nervous laughter. Brushes red-yellow hair and sweat off his forehead.

"I think...I think you were trying to stop Hydaelyn from tempering me then, do you remember?"

 _S'idos._ Ryne's voice sounds as though she's whispering, which is strange. _What are you doing?_

But S'idos focuses on Lahabrea, and Lahabrea alone.

"Sometimes...sometimes I think I wish you'd succeeded."

There. Now that he's said it, gotten it out into the air, the nervous energy remains as adrenaline but the anxiety is gone.

"Don't mistake my meaning," he warns, "I would no sooner trade Her for Zodiark. But Hades - _Emet-Selch_ , gave me a new, eye opening experience let's say. And I am no one's pawn."

Lahabrea huffs. "Most certainly Azem. Speak plainly, then."

"Things have changed, Lahabrea. Come with me, and I'll tell you all about it."

S'idos pauses to stretch his legs. Pop the joints in his shoulders and neck. Then ambles the short distance to Lahabrea's side, thrusting a hand out in his direction.

"That," he says, "or we can waste our limited time and energy the old fashioned way. If you think you can still keep up, old man."

Lahabrea grits his teeth at his nerve, but grasps his hand. Crushes it, really, metal talon fingertips ice cold and biting into S'idos' skin.

S'idos grins through the pain. Leans in a bit over the noise of sandals slapping stone heading toward them.

"Don't know how you feel about Fandango," he says conversationally, "but if we could yeet his vessel into the astral sea, yeah? Fucking hate that bastard too."

Grin turns to smirk.

"I have one condition."  


* * *

S'idos spends some time reassuring Gaia and Ryne that yes, while his "new friend" is an Ascian, he means him no harm. Currently.

Gaia still refuses to relinquish tight grip on her hammer and even Ryne glares daggers at Lahabrea. 

"Look," S'idos says, making sure to put himself between them and the Ascian at all times, "it's me, right? I've been through worse!"

Gaia snorts. "He inspires such confidence."

"I heard that."

"You were meant to," she replies, though does finally lower her weapon.

Ryne steps out so she can clearly see Lahabrea, his head turning her way. Every alarm bell in S'idos' head rings loudly but her voice comes across strong and true, just as when she said her farewells at the dossal gates.

"I may not know who you are, or what you want," she says, "but if you mean the Warrior of Darkness ill will, you will see it returned twelvefold."

Teenagers.

S'idos interrupts before Lahabrea can even think of saying a word to her.

"Right! Keep working on the Empty, but no more testing until I get back all right? Clearly something messed with that last one."

To Lahabrea he waves a hand through the air vaguely and the Ascian scoffs, but turns away and stands by an opened portal of darkness.

Stepping through the void of energy sets S'idos' teeth on edge. Prickles the hairs on the back of his neck like cold, clammy fingers lapping at his skin wherever the energy touches him.

His ears flatten to the top of his head for the duration of the teleportation. Is very much aware Lahabrea smirks at his discomfort. Is very much ignoring him.

They arrive outside just outside Revenant's Toll gates, S'idos having called ahead and arranging the Scions meet him out at the old camp.

"Look," he tells Lahabrea as they walk the short distance, "just stay out of sight until I call for you, all right?"

Doesn't get a response, but the Ascian does hang back when they begin to hear voices up ahead.

Old Revenant's Toll Camp, abandoned some time ago for more defensible ground, remains littered with detritus. 

The Scions of the Seventh Dawn await their wayward champion among it.

Thancred sits on a sturdy wooden box next to a series of scraggly pendants and other half deteriorating wooden cargo listening to the twins bicker about something or another.

Alphinaud and Aliaise argue animatedly in front of a thicket of a tree, thin branches twisting up clawing arms toward the sky.

And a little further away, seated on a rocky rise jutting out of the ground, Y'shtola and Urianger enjoying the fresh air.

G'raha Tia near them, who notices S'idos first and perks up immediately, waving.

"Hey," S'idos says, by way of greeting, and then, "Don't freak, ok? But, uh, guess who is kinda. Not. Dead?"

He waves Lahabrea over and almost even before the Ascian steps to a stop at his side, the Scions, predictably, freak.

Aliaise first, rapier thrust out and forward.

" _You_ ," she cries.

Alphinaud starts, both reaching for his sister and his grimoire to begin summoning carbuncle.

Lightning crackles at Y'shtola's fingertips, her staff readied. G'raha with her, uncertain, but ready to contribute.

Urianger, unmoved, warily regards S'idos.

And Thancred? Thancred stays where he is as well, head cocked, eyes closed and breathing deeply through his nose. Fist clenched.

"What is he doing here? _How_ is he even -" Thancred grits the words out. Cuts himself off, still not looking at either of them.

"Hardly our most important concern," Lahabrea says.

Helpfully, even without his knowledge, advancing S'idos' goals without being prodded. What a chap.

Thancred's eyes narrow, at last balefully boring into his mask.

"Our?"

S'idos gives them a quick rundown before the two can fully raise each other's hackles. It does little to soothe the Scion's mistrust.

"This is madness," says Aliaise. She shakes her head and does not sheath her blade. "You expect us to trust an Ascian?"

Moment of truth.

S'idos walks forward and stops in front of Thancred, offering him a hand up. His fellow Scion eyes him warily enough that he mouths 'trust me', helping the gunbreaker to his feet.

Throws an arm around his neck and turns to regard Lahabrea with an ungentle snort.

"Trust? Not without putting him through his paces first."

Leans conspiratorially close to Thancred while smiling ever so sweetly at Lahabrea's deepening scowl.

"See," he says, really enjoying this part in particular, "no clue how he's alive. But, ah, not at full power?"

Thancred blinks. Processes that for a second.

So too does Lahabrea.

They appear to reach similar conclusions at nearly the same instant, much to S'idos' delight and Urianger's amused hum.

Y'shtola is next, arcane energies dying as she settles in against a nearby tree to watch. 

"A unique opportunity, Thancred," she calls out to him, cupped hand hiding a spreading smile.

Alisaie sheathes her rapier and very pointedly does not pout. Grabs her brother by the sleeve and yanks him toward Y'shtola and Urianger.

"Come on Alphinaud. Things are about to get messy."

New to the chaotic, familiar-to-them and sometimes completely non-verbal way the Scions of the Seventh Dawn have learned to communicate, poor G'raha Tia's ears swivel to and fro as he attempts to parse just what his companions are doing.

Thancred draws his gunblade, S'idos moving off to the side to let him settle a familiar stance. 

Lahabrea's patience, for his part, finally begins to show cracks. Sparking dark energy gathers to his hands.

"We do not have _time_ for this," he seethes.

"My one condition," S'idos reminds him.

Thancred barks a laugh, visceral and neatly feral. Points his weapon blade first at the Ascian.

"Don't kill each other," S'idos says, almost as an afterthought, "but otherwise? Yeah. Have fun. Then we'll talk game plan."

"And Thancred? Happy belated five namesdays, you glorious bastard."


End file.
